A Sermon from the Book of Romney
AND seeing the dominionists, Christian reconstructionists, Mormons, and members of The Family, he went up into the mountain : and when he had sat down, the disciples of Ayn Rand came unto him.
2 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying,
3 Blessed are the wealthy : for theirs is the power of superPacs and the kingdom of heaven on earth.
4 Blessed are they that mourn : for they shall be comforted by BigPharma products that control, rather than cure their depression, increasing profit.
5 Blessed are the meek : for they are easily frightened and controlled.
6 Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after what we call “righteousness” : for they shall be filled with a desire to abolish birth control, abortion, female sexuality, homosexuality, science, and critical thinking.
7 Blessed are the merciful : for they shall obtain “mercy”, by which I mean “no mercy”, as advocated by St Ayn.
8 Blessed are the prurient in heart : for they shall see us defeat the homosexual agenda and establish Old Testament law in America.
9 Blessed are the Colt Peacemakers : for they and all rifles, pistols and shotguns shall be called “needed to stand your ground”.
10 Blessed are they that have been persecuted for what we call “righteousness’” sake : for we have a “final solution” planned for our persecutors.
11 Blessed are ye when men shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you, accurately, but without understanding that being one of God’s favorites, you were entitled to screw them.
12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad : for great is your reward in heaven : for so persecuted they the Robber Barons which were before you.
13 Ye are the rulers of the earth : but if the ruler has lost his will to remain in power, wherewith shall he exercise repression? He is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out and trodden under the foot of unbelievers.
14 Ye are the fright of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid, and we can bomb it.
15 Neither do men light a lamp, and put it under the bushel, but on the stand ; and it shineth unto all that we wish to intimidate.
16 Even so let your light shine before non-Christians everywhere, that they may see your power, and quail before it.
17 Think not that I came to destroy the law or the prophets : I came not to destroy, but to establish it as the Law of the Land in America.